Sex, everything we’ve done to destroy it.

Sex, everything we’ve done to destroy it.

Let’s face it, in MOST churches sex is still a pretty un-touched subject. And in a sense I don’t blame them. It’s uncomfortable. Society however, has chosen to make it a very public issue, therefore as a Christian I believe in fully engaging the discussion and offering a Christ centered view point. Be warned I’m not censoring subjects (will censor words), and if you are easily offended by subjects such as pornography then stop reading now.

Sex is a huge topic with major implications. In this post I’m going to focus more on the destruction and distortion of sex in our society more than anything else. One of the main ways society (American Culture in this case) has distorted sex is from the pornography industry (amazing we industrialize EVERYTHING don’t we?). Before I go any further let me make it clear that I would be a liar if I said I’ve never seen pornography, and I’d be a liar if I said it has never affected my life. Pornography rewires your brain, and it rewires the way you view sex and women. If you’re struggling with it seek immediate help and accountability, the stuff will destroy you.

That being said, onward! Pornography is not just wrong because it shows two people explicitly having sex. It is wrong because it is in almost every case degrading to the woman for multiple reasons. Most people know this, but not many people understand it. Most women in the pornography industry did not choose to be there, most women in the pornography industry ended up there from things out of their control. In most cases the women were molested by a father figure as children, or have had extremely fragmented families. This is a recurring theme that any amount of research will turn up. Women by default do not enjoy doing any form of pornography unlike what they portray on a screen, it is all an act, and it robs them of their humanity. Porn literally strips away the human dignity of the people involved and shows the woman as nothing more than a sex crazed body, and the man as a real man who can get any woman he wants and can “please” (I use this term lightly) the woman they way she is supposedly “wired” to be pleased (this of course is a complete distortion of what is truth).

Not only does pornography completely rob the woman of her humanity it robs the man of his as well. We as men are being completely brainwashed by society when it comes to sex and we need to reclaim ourselves. We are taught from society that women crave sex, that we as men should only care about how hot a woman is, and all we need to care about is how to get her in bed. This is such a twisted perverted way of thinking but the sad part is that most men buy in to this. I was recently at a friends house where some of his friends outside Christian circles were hanging out. I couldn’t believe the way they talked about women, the way they viewed them, and the things they said about them. They completely turned the idea of a woman from a created being by God, to a piece of meat that they can rate and then begin to discuss their favorite physical features. Sex, sexuality, was never designed to be treated like this. And it’s not just pornography either, it’s in our movies, it’s in our billboards, it is all around us. We as a society are being wired to view sex as something that is only physical and based off of pure desire. Women are being wired to focus on pleasing a man the way pornography portrays it, and men are being wired to think that pornography is somehow “normal” sexual activity. I call it like I see it. BULL.  Also here is a great link from a woman who used to be in the porn industry and now helps women get out.  http://www.covenanteyes.com/2008/10/28/ex-porn-star-tells-the-truth-about-the-porn-industry/

But what is sex really supposed to be? What is the purpose of it? We just start in the beginning. We must start in Genesis. In Genesis 2:24 we see that God says “…and the two will become one flesh”. Sex really is what consecrates a marriage, not wedding vows. Here in America the vows we say, and the “traditional” marriage is completely different from the way a Hebrew couple would say their vows or celebrate their wedding. So what’s the common denominator? It is sex. Sex is ultimately what God sees in a couple that consecrates their marriage. In fact in a Hebrew wedding the couple would say their vows, then go in to a tent while everyone was outside, the couple would then have sex, and then come out of the tent and start the party. Hebrew people celebrate AFTER a couple has become one. Because that is seen as the stamp on what makes them husband and wife.

Sex also is a reflection on God and the trinity. God is three in one, and when a husband and wife come together in marriage under Christ they become one flesh with Christ and with each other. Sex is literally and figuratively the closest you can get with another human, you become one flesh as the Bible says and thus are reflecting back to the nature of God. Sex is a deeply spiritual thing that we have thrown out here in our society. When we become one flesh with our spouse we are bonding physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We were not designed to share this with multiple partners, we were not designed to treat sex as just a physical act because by design it is not! Sex is not wrong outside of marriage just because God says so. It is wrong outside of marriage because sex IS marriage. God sees you as bonded to this person. We treat sex in our culture like something that is no big deal, and I am here to tell you that it is immensely a huge deal. It matters to our humanity to treat sex that way it was designed to be treated.

As little Christs (Christians) we need to reclaim sex and show society what they are tampering with and its major implications. Sex traffiking is a huge issue and pornography is part of that problem. We don’t need to just speak out against things, we need to actually act on the things we are for. What are we as Christians called to be for? Dignity, humanity, life, purity, respect for women, integrity. These are things that our society has targeted and completely allowed us to be deprived of. We as men are taught that pornography is completely ok, it’s what every normal guy looks at. Women are taught that hey start getting guys attention by showing off what you have physically. Wear low cut shirts, be provocative, give it up to him if he wants it. Perhaps music is one of the biggest mainstream ways this is seen, take a look at some of these lyrics (these are GRAPHIC)

Break me down, you got a lovely face
We’re going to your place
And now you got to freak me out
Scream so loud, getting ****’ laid
You want me to stay, but I got to make my way

Hey
You’re crazy *****
But you **** so good, I’m on top of it
When I dream, I’m doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Hey
You’re crazy *****
But you **** so good, I’m on top of it
When I dream, I’m doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Take it off, the paper is your game
You jump in bed with fame
Another one night paid in full, uh
You’re so fine, it won’t be a loss
Cashing in the rocks, just to get you face to face

Hey
You’re crazy *****
But you **** so good, I’m on top of it
When I dream, I’m doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Hey
You’re crazy *****
But you **** so good, I’m on top of it
When I dream, I’m doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Get the video
****you so good
Get the video
**** you so good

Crazy *****
Crazy *****
Crazy…*****

Hey
You’re crazy *****
But you **** so good, I’m on top of it
When I dream, I’m doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Hey
You’re crazy *****
But you **** so good, I’m on top of it
When I dream, I’m doing you all night
Scratches all down my back, come on

Baby girl
You want it all
To be a star
You’ll have to go down
Take it off
No need to talk
You’re crazy
But I like the way you **** me

Hey
You’re crazy *****
But you **** so good, I’m on top of it
When I dream, I’m doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

Hey
You’re crazy *****
But you **** so good, I’m on top of it
When I dream, I’m doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on
You keep me right on

You’re crazy
But I like the way you **** me”

is this what we as a society have come to? This is what we call masculinity? Treating women like things that are here to pleasure us when we want it? No, enough, we as Christians MUST reclaim who we are as humans.

Men – Fight for what is pure, be accountable to your brothers in this area, no doubt it’s a struggle for almost all of us, but we need to realize the implications of our actions, we must stand firm in Christ and each other, we are called to be men of honor and integrity, so let’s be that together.

Women – respect yourself. You are the pinnacle of beauty in a fallen world, don’t let society market you as a product, be a pure light to a world in desperate need of beauty NOT sexuality. Don’t let men manipulate you in to doing things you don’t want to do. If you’re dating a guy who is pressuring you for sex, ditch him, he isn’t worth your time.


11 responses to “Sex, everything we’ve done to destroy it.

  1. Tim, first yes!!! THANK YOU FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS!! Ha you know that this is a subject I care deeply about- as I am writing a thesis/book on it. I might need to interview you for it… Anyway, I appreciate, from a male point of view, your love and care for God’s creation both men and women. I appreciate your challenge to men to arise as men of God, of honor and respect, of purity and holiness. Likewise for women. But I do have one thing to say. Be cautious of making porn a male-only issue. I know you are aware of it being an issue for women, and I understand that you as a man [and I as a woman] will have certain biases with talking about various subjects. But from my point of view, and as a student writing about this very thing, just be cautious about only pointing porn as a male issue, about women never enjoying being a part of the sex industry, or that women are the only victims. Women are human and some do in fact choose to be a part of the sex industry [although I do agree that many are forced in some way]. Women manipulate men for their selfish sexual pleasure as well. Again, I am sure you are aware of this. I hope you can understand what I am saying. Great post! I would like to talk more and even consider added your thoughts into my book! : ) Let me know

  2. Haha I know Tim, that’s why I brought it up. I really do appreciate your open honesty and boldness in talking about this, even explicitly. I am certain that when I publish my thesis then book, this will be highly controversial, even in churches… but it needs to be discussed.

  3. Ugh I just wrote a long message on here and it didn’t post! Dang it! Okay short version!
    It’s funny how you bought this up this week because just this past Sunday, Quest preached on sex. The guy that preached said some really interesting things that hit me. (and I’m only kinda paraphrasing here so I’d encouage you to watch the message on questcommunity.com) He said that porn, masturbation, and fantasy are all self-serving, self-fueling things. That they are only about serving yourself. And when any form of sex outside of marriage is about you, in marriage it is still going to be about you. Instead of it being about serving each other, which Paul says it really should be. (He’s speaking that your view never changes when you enter into marriage, the guy speaking I mean not Paul)

  4. Hey Tim… interesting timing! Our youth group has been talking about Biblical manhood and womanhood for the last few months and I’m leading a Bible/book study on “Every Young Woman’s Battle” (read it to get a woman’s point of view about a lot of this stuff).
    One thing I would say to those who struggle with a porn addiction; get counseling, get accountability and let God renew your mind. Realize that it’s a addiction (an idol of the heart) and that it is sin. God will forgive and help you overcome it. It’s a shame that this is such a rampent problem, because I believe it is becoming the silent killer to marriages. It effects the way people view sex before they’re married, what they expect in marriage and can be just as bad as committing adultry! If you haven’t struggled with it, STAY AWAY!

  5. this is an excerpt from Relevant magazine

    Sex, Money & Other Good Things Gone Bad
    Matt Chandler Friday, 03 February 2012

    Relationships and Sex
    The second well is the well of “romance”—or companionship, or sex. In the same way money and comfort are not intrinsically evil or wrong, relationships and sex aren’t intrinsically evil or wrong. Everything gets distorted when elevated beyond what God created them for.

    I’m going to modernize an illustration from C.S. Lewis to express this: Imagine that you could hop on a plane right now, fly to another country, go to its red light district and enter a seedy strip joint. What if they roll out a cart covered with a sheet right next to the pole, and when they pull the sheet back just a little bit, you see just a slice of of bacon? Then they quickly cover it again. Next, they lift the sheet a little more and show you a burger—then cover it up. And finally, they remove the sheet off of the entire cart to reveal a smorgasbord—and people begin throwing ones at it.

    Wouldn’t you think that something was wrong with how that culture viewed food? Wouldn’t you think: “Hey, something is broken in how they look at burgers. It’s just a burger.” How strange is it that we have pushed relationships and sex to this same broken and bizarre level?

    Relationships and sex are beautiful gifts from God. He is the Author and Creator of those things, but when people elevate them beyond where they should be, they leave nothing but heartache and disappointment.

    Men and women will never find a significant other who completes them. A fling, a fantasy, a boyfriend or girlfriend—even a spouse—is not going to satisfy what has gone wrong in you. Only Jesus will do that. Because your heart is broken. You need a Savior, and no one person can fix it.

  6. Pingback: Masculinity: How Christianity has missed it: A guest post by Tim Whitaker « Light in the Darkness

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